Shortly Thereafter

May 4, 2015

Okay, so we are in the middle of a road trip and I'm researching bariatric surgery at this point.  I'd actually been thinking about it since last September when Rosie O'Donnell talked about her vertical gastric sleeve on the View.

We met my long time bestie for dinner and I walked away with an overwhelming feeling of needing to discuss gastric bypass with her (which she had back in 2001).  Three days later we got together again and I pummeled her with questions about the surgery.  The good thing about besties is that you can talk about anything!  Gross stuff, sad stuff, emotional stuff, physical stuff!  Nothing is off limits.  I had a great feeling that I was going in the right direction after that.

A few days later I told my sister what I was thinking.  She asked a lot of questions and we talked about it at length.  I also told my mom.  She was supportive and asked some questions and encouraged me to keep her informed.

As we headed home I felt better.  Lighter.  For the first time in forever I had hope.  Hope that I wouldn't always be morbidly obese.  (Isn't that an awful title?)  Hope that I could still live.  Hope that I could do things with my husband and kids instead of sit and watch off to the side.  Man, there's no place like hope.

By the time we got home I knew my options were Lapband, Vertical sleeve, and gastric bypass.  I started researching surgeons in our area and the weight loss surgery centers.  One hospital had their weight loss surgery seminar scheduled for the following week.  I signed up right away.

My research continued as I awaited the seminar.  I became pretty certain the lapband was not for me.  I could not decide between the sleeve and bypass though.  I educated myself as well as I could before the seminar.

May 20, 2015

My sweet husband went with me.  He's awesome.  I didn't learn much that I didn't know already from the seminar.  I did meet a surgeon that I liked a whole lot and confirmed the lapband was definitely not for me.  Eww.  Port.  Ewww.  Fills.  Ewww.  But I started leaning more toward gastric bypass that night and that's the route I chose to follow going forward.  

They immediately confirmed my insurance would cover such surgery and that there was no waiting period.  Woo hoo.  Unfortunately the sweet surgeon we met didn't do gastric bypass so I got an appointment to see another surgeon.

Things stood still for a month or so as I waited to see the surgeon and also got through our church's VBS which I was in charge of.  Finally met a wonderful surgeon on July 1.  That's where we'll stop for now.

"He must increase but I must decrease." - John 3:30

Be blessed y'all.

In the beginning

While a change in me has been needed and pondered for some time now, I suppose there was a series of defining moments that started the journey I now find myself on.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

My family and I woke up in Springfield, VA,  We'd arrived late the previous night and opted to sleep in.  Once up and moving we headed for Mount Vernon, home of George and Martha Washington.

My favorite kind of place; it was packed with history and nostalgia. Mostly shady walking paths without too much up and down were a welcome sight.

After less than an hour, my right knee that is badly affected by arthritis was throbbing and the pain quickly escalated.  By sheer will I held back the tears.  I kept going because I was so excited to be there.

As we were pulling out of the parking lot I told my husband I was done.  I was tired of missing out on life.  I was tired of hurting.  I was tired of disappointing my children, 14 and 10, and something had to change.  I had no idea where that statement would take me.

My initial thought was that I would join a Weigh Down Workshop online class and dive in.  Years before I had had success with WDW and hoped it would be an answer to prayer this time.  We were in the middle of a three week road trip so I began internet research to choose a class and order materials.

The next day we went to the Smithsonian.  After the first museum I was hurting again.  After the second museum I wasn't sure if I could walk anymore.  We hired a pedi cab to take us to third museum that was several blocks away.  When we exited my husband paid him and said, "You certainly earned it."

My precious, gentle husband meant because the man had hauled four of us several blocks.  My twisted mind?  I completely internalized it to mean because of his huge wife he had earned it.  I didn't tell the hubs it hurt me until much later.  Of course he was flabbergasted that I would take that personally.  Of course he was absolutely right to be flabbergasted.

But something was set in motion that would not be stopped.  The journey began and I wouldn't look back.

So as I begin to tell my story, I'm not in an emotional place where I can announce my weight, but I will tell you that I'm more than 100 pounds over my ideal body weight with a BMI of 43.3.  I've been morbidly obese for 17 or so years and was always "chubby-ish".

I suffer from and am medicated for:

• Type 2 Diabetes
• Sleep Apnea
• Arthritis in my knee
• High Cholesterol
• High Blood Pressure
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Acid Reflux (GERD)

Because of my size or complications I won't try to do these things I would like to do:

• Fly alone
• Ride rides at theme parks
• Dancing
• Bowling
• Rafting
• Ziplining
• Horseback riding

Losing weight and getting healthy could help me:

• Participate in life instead of watching from the sidelines
• Be a functioning member of my family 
• Have the ability and confidence to fulfill God's purposes for my life
• Have more energy and stamina
• Cure or improve all the issues above
• Increase the length of my life
• Increase the quality of my life
• Shop without difficulty and maybe even enjoy it

I've made a difficult decision and I'll be writing about the journey thus far and going forth.  And a mantra I'm adopting although I'm using somewhat out of context:

"He must become greater; I must become less."

- John 3:30

Be blessed.