In the beginning

While a change in me has been needed and pondered for some time now, I suppose there was a series of defining moments that started the journey I now find myself on.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

My family and I woke up in Springfield, VA,  We'd arrived late the previous night and opted to sleep in.  Once up and moving we headed for Mount Vernon, home of George and Martha Washington.

My favorite kind of place; it was packed with history and nostalgia. Mostly shady walking paths without too much up and down were a welcome sight.

After less than an hour, my right knee that is badly affected by arthritis was throbbing and the pain quickly escalated.  By sheer will I held back the tears.  I kept going because I was so excited to be there.

As we were pulling out of the parking lot I told my husband I was done.  I was tired of missing out on life.  I was tired of hurting.  I was tired of disappointing my children, 14 and 10, and something had to change.  I had no idea where that statement would take me.

My initial thought was that I would join a Weigh Down Workshop online class and dive in.  Years before I had had success with WDW and hoped it would be an answer to prayer this time.  We were in the middle of a three week road trip so I began internet research to choose a class and order materials.

The next day we went to the Smithsonian.  After the first museum I was hurting again.  After the second museum I wasn't sure if I could walk anymore.  We hired a pedi cab to take us to third museum that was several blocks away.  When we exited my husband paid him and said, "You certainly earned it."

My precious, gentle husband meant because the man had hauled four of us several blocks.  My twisted mind?  I completely internalized it to mean because of his huge wife he had earned it.  I didn't tell the hubs it hurt me until much later.  Of course he was flabbergasted that I would take that personally.  Of course he was absolutely right to be flabbergasted.

But something was set in motion that would not be stopped.  The journey began and I wouldn't look back.

So as I begin to tell my story, I'm not in an emotional place where I can announce my weight, but I will tell you that I'm more than 100 pounds over my ideal body weight with a BMI of 43.3.  I've been morbidly obese for 17 or so years and was always "chubby-ish".

I suffer from and am medicated for:

• Type 2 Diabetes
• Sleep Apnea
• Arthritis in my knee
• High Cholesterol
• High Blood Pressure
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Acid Reflux (GERD)

Because of my size or complications I won't try to do these things I would like to do:

• Fly alone
• Ride rides at theme parks
• Dancing
• Bowling
• Rafting
• Ziplining
• Horseback riding

Losing weight and getting healthy could help me:

• Participate in life instead of watching from the sidelines
• Be a functioning member of my family 
• Have the ability and confidence to fulfill God's purposes for my life
• Have more energy and stamina
• Cure or improve all the issues above
• Increase the length of my life
• Increase the quality of my life
• Shop without difficulty and maybe even enjoy it

I've made a difficult decision and I'll be writing about the journey thus far and going forth.  And a mantra I'm adopting although I'm using somewhat out of context:

"He must become greater; I must become less."

- John 3:30

Be blessed.